I Honestly Love You
by CharliesHoodie
Summary: Their feelings are out on the table, but they decide to preserve their friendship by staying just friends. It was Blaine's idea, so why can't he seem to handle it?
1. One

**I Honestly Love You (1/3)**

_Five times Blaine didn't realize he was in love with Kurt, and one time he did._

**Spoilers:** Slight spoilers (barely there, really) for the Superbowl episode and MAJOR spoilers for Silly Love Songs (you've been warned).  
**Warning:** Spoilers and speculation for upcoming episodes.  
**Disclaimer:** Glee is so not mine.  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Word Count:** 3039 (for this part)  
**Summary:** High-light for a spoilery summary: Their feelings are out on the table, but they decide to preserve their friendship by staying just friends. It was Blaine's idea, so why can't he seem to handle it?

**Author's Note:** This story is set up in a "Five Times" format, but it's getting lengthy so I decided to split it up. The first two will be in this part, the next two in the second part and the final part and the "realization" in the last part. Again, this part especially contains some major spoilers for the Klaine relationship and the rest is really just speculation. Please enjoy!

**One:**

"Guys, I'd say we're ready for regionals."

Several of the Warblers cheered happily, patting him on the back before filtering out of the practice room, calling their girlfriends to make Friday night plans, or chatting amongst themselves. Blaine immediately whirled around to face the couch Kurt had been perched on, but it had been vacated.

Blaine frowned and looked around the room before tugging at David's sleeve. "Did you see where Kurt ran off to?"

David was in the middle of a text and he barely glanced up to meet Blaine's eyes.

"He flew out of here pretty fast," David said as he hit the send button on his phone and pocketed it. "What do you suggest – P.F. Chang's or that Mongolian Grill place? Gloria's going through this Asian cuisine phase." He rolled his eyes.

"Both are delicious," Blaine shrugged as he gathered his sheet music off the table and tucked it under his arm. "Have fun!" He called before turning around and heading in the direction of Kurt's dorm.

_Hey. You disappeared on me. - - - Blaine_

He punched out the text quickly as he turned down the next hall and took the stairs. His phone vibrated when he received Kurt's response.

_In my room. –K_

Blaine nodded to himself and turned down the junior's wing, making his way down to Kurt's room and pushing open the door.

Kurt was standing in front of his wardrobe, pulling out clothes and throwing them into an open suitcase on his bed. He glanced up and gave Blaine a small smile in greeting.

"Knocking. Knocking is a good thing."

Blaine just grinned and closed the door behind him. "Your door was already ajar." He plopped down on the end of Kurt's bed and gestured at the suitcase. "What's up?"

Kurt snarled in frustration and threw his hands up in the air, turning to his drawers. "Oh, just going home for the weekend. Finn's demanding my presence at his stupid football game and at this point I'm already going to be late." He pulled the drawers open and began to throw socks and scarves on top of the wrinkled pants and tops.

"You're not even folding. I'm worried."

Kurt couldn't help but laugh and throw Blaine an endearing smile over his shoulder. "Like I said. I'm already running late. I can just iron at home."

"…Do you really need this much for a weekend home?" Blaine teased. Kurt mustered his best _bitch, please _face and cocked an eyebrow in his direction.

Blaine watched as Kurt continued to pack and fuss over which pairs of shoes he absolutely _needed_ to bring along. Without their mindless banter, Kurt was becoming increasingly frustrated and had taken to running his hands through his hair and muttering angrily to himself. He finally zipped his suitcase shut (a feat in itself) and let himself fall backwards onto his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, eyes empty.

"Hey," Blaine said, poking Kurt's arm from his place at the foot of the mattress. "You all right? Because you look like you're about to have a panic attack."

"Fine. It's just … as happy as I am to go home and see everyone, I kind of have a life here. And by life I mean a demanding course load. Pretty sure I have, like, three essays due next week that I haven't even been able to start on. And I know I can bring my work home with me, but I'm not going to get anything done. Not with Finn being stupid and distracting, dad wanting to catch up, Mercedes wanting to go out … it's just…" he mimed strangling an invisible neck.

Blaine laughed out loud and grabbed Kurt's wrist, bringing his hand down again. "Kurt. You're going to be fine. I've never seen you get anything less than a B on an essay – or any assignment for that matter. You deserve going out and having some fun. It's Friday."

"Yeah, sure, it's Friday and that's fine. But I'll be gone the whole weekend and – Oh!" Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and threw his hands over his face, groaning loudly. "It's _Friday. _Blaine, I'm sorry!"

Blaine gave him a look of mock pain and placed a hand on his heart, frowning. "It's just No Strings Attached. Haven't been waiting forever to see it or anything."

Kurt sat up and gave him a wounded look and Blaine immediately backtracked, realizing he had made Kurt feel even _worse _about his situation.

"No no no no," Blaine swore, waving his hands and shaking his head. "I'm just kidding … kind of. We can see it any time."

"I promised you we'd –"

"Kurt," Blaine interrupted, leaning forward and squeezing his knee. "Go home. Have fun. Don't worry."

Kurt took a deep breath and closed his eyes, nodding. "All right. I owe you, like, a Natalie Portman marathon or something. OK?"

Blaine stood up from the bed and offered his hand to Kurt, pulling him up. "Yes please." He grabbed Kurt's suitcase and backpack while Kurt pulled on his coat and gloves. "Let me walk you out to the parking lot."

Kurt just nodded and smiled down at his shoes before following after Blaine.

They stopped by Blaine's room to grab his coat before heading out to the parking lot, chatting about how they were going to sneak into No Strings Attached next weekend since it was R-rated and how Natalie deserved an Oscar for Black Swan and, really, it seemed like a lot of their conversations revolved around Natalie Portman.

"It's snowing pretty hard," Blaine commented nervously as they approached Kurt's Lincoln Navigator. And it was. He could barely see the clock tower through the white curtain and a thick blanket of snow was already coating the streets. "Kurt, it's probably pretty icy…"

"It's Ohio, Blaine," Kurt reasoned, shooting him a vaguely annoyed look. "I know how to drive in this weather."

"Let me drive you. Then I can pick you up on Sunday."

"Blaine. Please. I can take care of myself. I – "

Kurt suddenly yelped and slipped forward, falling almost face first into his car before bouncing off the side and landing in the snow. His mouth fell open in surprise as an embarrassed blush crept onto his face.

It didn't help that Blaine was kneeled over, laughing.

"Oh God – Kurt!" he choked out, losing his ability to stand up straight. So he resigned and sat down next to Kurt on the ground, still snickering. "Oh, Kurt, are you all right?"

"Fine," Kurt replied, his voice clipped. He stood up stiffly and brushed the snow off his pants. "Just fine. So glad I could amuse you."

Blaine stood, whipping tears away from his eyes. But every time he looked back over at Kurt, he couldn't help but burst into a fit of laughter again. Kurt put his hands on his hips and looked away, pouting.

"God, I love you," he practically whimpered through his hysterics. Kurt's head snapped back around so fast that Blaine immediately stopped laughing and stared back at him.

He had never said anything like that to Kurt. Yeah, he did love him a lot. He was his best friend. He was hilarious, witty, kind … the list could go on. But with the unreadable way Kurt was looking at him now, it was probably best to clarify.

"As a friend," he added awkwardly with a shrug. Kurt's face visibly changed to – what? A look of relief? Disappointment? Blaine couldn't be sure. He wasn't exactly the best at interpreting facial expressions or really knowing how to deal with situations like these at all. He opened his mouth, trying to think of something else to say. But Kurt spoke instead.

"Come on. You're driving me then," Kurt sighed, putting away his keys. "I admit defeat."

"It's for the best," Blaine teased, digging in his coat pocket for his own car keys and pulling them out. He breathed a private sigh of relief. "If you can't stay on your own two feet in this weather, I seriously doubt your ability to keep a car on the road."

Kurt snorted, but he was smiling. "You're lucky I trust you." He paused for a moment, biting his bottom lip. "Stay for the football game?"

"I'd be happy to," Blaine replied without a second thought. They made their way over to his Jeep and Blaine circled around to open the passenger's door for Kurt before hopping in on his own side.

"I was thinking the same thing, anyway," Blaine admitted as he started his car and began to pull out of the parking spot. "That way I can keep an eye on you. Won't Karofsky be there?"

"Sure, Blaine. But I'll be in the stands and he'll be on the field."

"Still. Besides," he moved his hand down from where he was resting it on to the back of Kurt's seat and squeezed his shoulder. "I want to spend time with you."

Kurt let out a breathy little response that Blaine couldn't quite translate. But the next time he looked over at Kurt, he was smiling down at his hands and practically glowing. Blaine couldn't understand why tonight was different from any other night they spent together, but he didn't dwell on it.

**Two:**

"I am a douchebag."

They were the first words Blaine uttered to Kurt when the latter walked through the doors of the Coffee Bean and joined him at their usual table.

Kurt stared at him with tired eyes and shook his head. "Is this still about the guy at the Gap? Because we already discussed this and agreed that, yes, you were in fact an unintentional douchebag."

"Wow, thanks Kurt," Blaine sighed, rubbing at his own eyes and groaning.

"You don't go on two dates with someone and decide to out them in front of all their co-workers through song and dance. Especially not with songs about … about abandoning sex toys and looking at their pornographic pictures."

"I'm really bad at this, OK?" Blaine snapped with more force than necessary. Kurt nervously jumped back in his chair so Blaine lowered his voice. "I've just never really been anyone's boyfriend."

Kurt shrugged. "Well, neither have I."

Blaine mirrored his shrug and placed his elbows on the table so he could let his face fall into his hands. "I'm so embarrassed."

Kurt was deathly silent. Blaine was too busy wallowing in his own despair, but after a couple minutes of this he finally looked up and frowned. Kurt looked like someone had punched him in the stomach. He looked positively ill.

"You all right?" Blaine asked, reaching across the table to rest his hand on top of Kurt's.

Kurt stared down at their hands before carefully pulling his own away. "Blaine? Can I be completely honest with you about something?"

Blaine braced himself. _Oh God, what else had he done wrong? _

"Always," Blaine answered, hoping his expression didn't give away his fear.

Kurt grabbed a napkin on the table and began to nervously tear it into long shreds. He kept his eyes trained on the table. "When you were asking the Warblers to perform for someone you fell in love with … I thought that someone was me."

Blaine's heart skipped about five beats and he raised his hand to cover his mouth so fast he almost slapped himself in the face. "Oh. Kurt."

"Yeah," Kurt laughed shakily, hands braced on the arms of his chair like he was about to make a run for it. "Sorry. I just … wow. I can't believe I … Blaine, I'm sorry."

He moved to stand up, but Blaine held up a hand to halt him. He sunk back down, staring at Blaine with wide, frightened eyes.

"You don't need to apologize for anything," Blaine promised, feeling just as scared as Kurt looked. "I just … what made you think that?"

Kurt took a deep breath and Blaine cringed. This was probably going to take awhile.

"Within the first _thirty seconds _of meeting me, you held my hand. It took you less than a week to take me to a production of RENT. You answered my texts and skipped class to take care of me after Karofsky kissed me. When I came to Dalton, you were there whenever I needed advice or whenever I made a fool out of myself during rehearsals. We go out almost every Friday night and spend the weekends watching movies and doing homework together. You sang flirty duets – well, one flirty duet with me and I know that it's just a song but the way _we _sang it … never mind … and then we come here at least once a week before school, and you know my order is a white chocolate Café Latte."

Kurt wasn't necessarily accusing him of anything, but the guilt that tugged at his heart was still unbearable.

"I didn't mean to lead you on," he whispered. His whole body felt like it was aching.

"I'm not asking you to return my feelings," Kurt assured him with a sad, little smile. "It's just that not coming clean and being honest with myself about stuff like this hasn't worked well for me in the past and I just … I thought you should know."

"Kurt – "

"And I don't think you lead me on intentionally. I mean, I wasn't making my feelings for you very obvious or anything. I think the act of leading someone on is only effective when the other person knows that the target is, like, head over heels and I'll … I'll stop talking now."

Blaine stared down at the table. His heart was still fluttering like mad. He chose his next words carefully.

"Kurt. I care about you so much." He reached out across the table, grabbing Kurt's hands again and squeezing. Kurt still looked a little frightened. "So much to the point I have no idea what I'd do with myself if you ever left. I know I've probably been coming off as someone I'm not, and the truth is you've helped me just as much as I'd like to think I've helped you. I'm not this confident, experienced guy. I'm just sixteen and I have no idea what I'm doing but having you in my life, having you as a _friend _has meant so, _so _much to me. I love you, Kurt. I love you so much and you're this amazing person. But I don't think I can be _in _love with you because that's an entirely different dynamic and with that kind of love comes fights, breaking up, hurt feelings … the chance that you might never come back. And I can't take that."

To Blaine's complete surprise, Kurt was smiling at him and squeezing his hands back. "Blaine, is that your flowery way of friend zoning me? Because I'm OK with that. I promise, it's fine. I don't want to be with you unless we're both one hundred percent for it. Otherwise, what's the point?"

Blaine nodded in agreement, the tension immediately leaving his body. Because he was pretty sure Kurt was being completely genuine and was honestly just relieved to get his feelings off his chest. After all, he was currently smiling like a fool.

"I'm glad we talked about this," Blaine said, standing up and pushing in his chair. "And I'll try to tone myself down. I didn't realize – "

"No!" Kurt interrupted, sounding slightly panicked as he stumbled out of his chair to join Blaine in line for coffee. "No. We shouldn't change anything. Or else it's just going to be forced and awkward. Changing the way we act around each other would be just as detrimental to our friendship as dating would be."

Blaine tilted his head to the side and pondered for a moment before nodding slowly. "Yeah. You're right. I just … I don't want to hurt you."

Kurt shook his head quickly, dismissing the idea entirely. "You're not going to hurt me. I was interested, you weren't. And that's fine. It's taken me a long time, but I've realized that I deserve someone who's going to love me as completely as I love them." Kurt bumped his shoulder and grinned. "You're just missing out," he teased.

Blaine smiled back and returned the nudge. "You do deserve that person. And I know you'll find him. Because look at you. You're just …" he gestured vaguely at Kurt, shaking his head incredulously. "You're amazing."

Kurt blushed slightly and they moved up a few places in line. "So, have we officially moved up from good friends to best friends?" Kurt asked, smiling mischievously. "Because I'm pretty sure we just developed a deeper connection."

Blaine blinked slightly in surprise, but then shook it off with a grin. "Well, this is embarrassing. I didn't realize we hadn't already moved up to best friends. This whole time, bragging to everyone about my best friend Kurt …" Blaine shook his head in mock disbelief. "But yes," he continued seriously after a beat of silence. "We can officially move up to best friend status."

"Oh, I feel like I'm in fifth grade again," Kurt reminisced dreamily, causing Blaine to snort with laughter. "Seriously, though. This is kind of like When Harry Met Sally and I get to be Meg Ryan – a mocha Café Latte with extra foam, please," Kurt said as they finally stepped up to the barista and ordered.

"And a white chocolate Café Latte," Blaine said when it was his turn to order. When they received the coffees at the other end of the bar, they exchanged them and grinned.

Kurt sashayed back to their table and Blaine smiled after him.

"Don't they get together in the end?" he asked to no one in particular, because Kurt certainly hadn't heard him.

And he knew he was going to have to stop himself from looking up the movie on Netflix when he got back to his dorm. Why, though, he really wasn't sure.

* * *

**What's to come:** **Three: **Kurt gets drunk at a party, and Blaine becomes protective. **Four: **Another boy steps into the mix, and Blaine can't pinpoint exactly why he's jealous.


	2. Two

**I Honestly Love You (2/4)**

_Five times Blaine didn't realize he was in love with Kurt, and one time he did._

**Spoilers:** Spoilers for Silly Love Songs. The rest is just speculation.  
**Warning:** Spoilers and speculation for upcoming episodes.  
**Disclaimer:** Glee is so not mine.  
**Rating:** PG-13 with some strong language  
**Word Count:** 6586  
**Summary:** Their feelings are out on the table, but they decide to preserve their friendship by staying just friends. It was Blaine's idea, so why can't he seem to handle it? **This section:** The Warblers give Blaine and Kurt a unique opportunity. Later, Kurt gets drunk at a party and Blaine gets protective.

**Author's Note:** OK. Wow. So. I know this story was only supposed to be three parts, but the third installment of this "five times" thing kind of took on a life of its own. So, my apologies, but I'm only posting the third installment … although I'd like to think you won't be too disappointed with it!

**Three:**

"…And Blaine will take the lead vocals for 'In My Head,'" Wes announced, looking down at his notes. "There are a few other parts in that piece we'll be inviting some of you to audition for."

The Warblers applauded politely and Blaine just smiled and nodded in recognition. Kurt was sitting across from him on the couch in the practice room, rolling his eyes but clapping along anyway.

"Oh my God, Blaine! A solo!" Kurt exclaimed with mock enthusiasm as the rest of the group chatted excitedly about their set list for regionals. "Congratulations. I know how few and far between they are."

Blaine stuck his tongue out and made a face just as Wes called them to order with a bang of his gavel. Kurt bit back laughter and quickly collected himself, his face turning bright red.

"Blaine. Kurt."

Kurt gave Blaine a panicked look and Blaine returned it with the same level of horror. This wouldn't be the first time Wes called them out for goofing around in practice (trying to trip each other during routines, mocking the gavel, the list went on). Last week, Blaine had even been pulled aside for a private conversation.

"Blaine, you used to be so behaved during rehearsals," Wes had told him as they stood in the hallway outside the practice room. "Look. It's great that you and Kurt are on good terms after your failure at the Gap – thanks for associating the Warblers with that, by the way." Wes gave him a pointed look and Blaine snorted. "But you two seriously need to tone it down. It's distracting. Remember Robert and Ian last year? They were seniors? The panel had to suspend them from practice for two weeks because they were practically making out during rehearsals."

"OK. Right. Except Kurt and I aren't dating."

"You and Kurt had a _tickle fight_ on the couch during the five minute break yesterday," Wes reminded him, face completely void of emotion. "For a few horrifying moments I thought I was babysitting preschoolers."

Blaine pursed his lips and stared up at the ceiling, nodding thoughtfully. "Fair enough. I see how that could be obnoxious."

"Thank you," Wes sighed, shouldering his bag. "And for the record – before you enlisted us to go stalk that Gap clerk – we all thought you and Kurt were an item. Or at least sleeping together." Wes had smirked and run off before Blaine could react.

"We're not _doing anything!"_ Kurt snapped at Wes immediately, bringing Blaine back to the present.

"We're not even sitting together!" Blaine added helpfully, pointing at Kurt for emphasis. Kurt nodded enthusiastically.

The room fell silent and Wes gave them an amused half smile. Blaine realized about five seconds later that they had not been called out for their behavior. Kurt caught on, too. Blaine watched him blush from his spot on the couch.

"Are you two done? Can I continue?"

They both nodded.

"OK then," Wes laughed. "The panel would like to offer the two of you a piece to sing together at regionals. This is something that we've never done before, but we think it's necessary in order to move on to nationals. Most of the judges this year are younger and more open-minded than we've had in the past, and they're craving something original. Something fresh. We've decided featuring two Warblers in a romantically themed song is the best route to take."

Blaine braced himself for the riot that was bound to happen any second now. When he had asked the Warblers to perform at the Gap with him, the majority of them had nearly gone into cardiac arrest at the very notion of entertaining a crowd in an unprofessional setting.

But now, no one stormed out. No one threw sheet music at Wes. The fires of hell didn't engulf the practice room. Blaine only heard murmurs of approval and watched as almost everyone nodded eagerly.

"You two have excellent stage presence and even better chemistry," Wes continued. Someone standing behind Blaine's chair snickered. Blaine ignored it, but he saw Kurt tense. "It's 'Set the Fire to the Third Bar' by Snow Patrol. Between the two of you, you'll destroy it. Come pick up your folders after rehearsal."

Kurt's hand shot up in the air immediately and everyone stared. He was worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, looking vulnerable and troubled. Blaine frowned and tilted his head to the side, trying to get a better reading. But Kurt didn't look his way.

"Kurt?" Wes nodded.

Kurt forced a polite smile and angled himself so he could address the rest of the Warblers from his seat on the couch. "As humbled as I am by your offer, I'd like to respectfully decline. I didn't even audition. I don't feel right taking on a lead part – not when I'm still pretty new."

Several of the boys murmured their disapproval, shooting Kurt curious glances. Naturally, they all eventually looked at Blaine to gauge his reaction. Blaine made a point to stare down at his shoes, keeping his face void of emotion.

Wes slammed the gavel down and everyone silenced.

"Kurt, you were handpicked by the panel."

Kurt took a deep breath, still smiling but looking just as nervous. "I recognize that and greatly appreciate the offer. Like I said, there are other members who deserve it more than I do."

David shot Wes a pointed sidelong glance and Wes shrugged his shoulders. "Very well, then. In that case, there are several of you we would like to call in for auditions."

When rehearsal finally ended at six, Blaine watched as Kurt hopped up from his seat and shouldered his backpack before making a beeline to the exit. Blaine grabbed his bag and followed after him, running a little to catch up.

"Kurt!" he called once they were out in the deserted hallways. He was highly aware of his voice echoing, so he quieted down as he came up from behind, grabbing Kurt's arm before he could move any faster. "Hey, Kurt, wait up."

Kurt stopped and Blaine pulled him off to the side so they were crowded against the wall, alone.

"What was that?" Blaine whispered, even though the hallway was empty.

Kurt shrugged weakly and frowned at him, eyes suddenly dull. "I just couldn't sing with you."

Blaine stepped back and winced, feeling as though he had just been slapped in the face. Kurt looked like he immediately wanted to retract his statement. But instead of apologizing he kept staring, waiting for Blaine to say something.

"I – wow," Blaine replied, finding it hard to reel in the bitterness he knew was showing in his tone. "Why not? We would've been amazing. Why are you being so selfish?"

"_Selfish?" _Kurt snapped. Blaine watched his hand tighten around the strap of his messenger bag. "I'm giving the rest of them an opportunity to sing! Some of them are seniors and they've never even had a solo! In the Snow Patrol piece they'll be overshadowed by _you, _but at least they'll have something! And I'm not going to be _one of those guys _they just hand solos to!"

Kurt's hand slapped over his own mouth in shock. He groaned and shook his head desperately.

"No, Blaine, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."

"It's OK," Blaine answered quietly, letting Kurt's words slide for now. His face was bright red and his eyes were beginning to gleam – clearly he was flustered and upset. Blaine could easily forgive him for this. "But this isn't about everyone else getting a fair chance at singing, is it?"

Kurt shook his head, lips beginning to tremble. He crossed his arms, taking a protective stance and trying to collect himself. "No."

Blaine closed his eyes briefly and nodded. "OK. Come on." He grabbed Kurt's hand before even thinking about the repercussions or if, at this point in their relationship, it was even appropriate. But he did it anyway, afraid to look back at Kurt to see his expression.

He led him over to a cluster of chairs and sofas that served as one of Dalton's lounges and gently pushed him back into one of the armchairs.

"Talk to me," Blaine urged, kneeling in front of him and squeezing his knee.

Kurt inched away slightly and focused on a spot past Blaine's head. "I know we haven't talked about Valentine's Day since it happened. So, what, three weeks?" Kurt shrugged and finally found the courage to make eye contact. "Anyway. I still think about what you said – how even though you don't know what you're doing, you can express yourself through music. Through songs. And I just remember the way you looked at me during 'Baby, It's Cold Outside' and I don't want to feel that way again. Feel like it means something. But I'm also afraid of what I won't see."

Blaine stared down at Kurt's shoes, still kneading his knee even though Kurt had stiffened under his touch. He hated this. He hated that he was helpless, that he couldn't just love Kurt back the way he wanted to be loved. Blaine admitted that the first time he met Kurt, he was thrilled. It was like he had been dropped from heaven onto Dalton's staircase – like God was telling him _here is this beautiful boy. He's yours. Take him. Love him. Serenade him with a suggestive song. _But then Kurt had broken down in front of him with stories of bullying and the pain he went through every day. And then the kiss – the _assault_. At that point, Blaine had decided what Kurt needed was a friend. He had locked away any initial feelings of attraction and chemistry, writing them off as silliness and excitement. He had locked them away and forgotten about them. And he knew he couldn't just snap his fingers and bring them back.

In all honesty, he didn't think he wanted to. His own personal insecurities had surfaced right in front of Kurt on Valentine's Day, and it had been terrifying. They were too similar for this to go beyond friendship. They were too nervous and afraid, and neither one of them – especially Kurt – deserved to get hurt in a relationship that Blaine was nearly positive would destroy them and any hope of friendship they might have afterwards.

He finally ran his tongue over his suddenly dry lips and looked back up.

"Kurt, I hate seeing you like this." It wasn't much. It didn't offer a solution. But it was all he could think of. "I thought we were good after Valentine's Day – that we had reached an agreement."

"No, we are! We did!" Kurt assured him quickly. He paused. "I'm taking precautions. I'm working on…on getting over you. And I'm there. I'm almost there. I just don't want to rebound."

Blaine pulled his hand off of Kurt's knee and fell back on his heels. "Is anything I'm doing making it worse?" His mind flashed back to all the goofing around during rehearsal, the casual touches, the _tickle fight _Wes had brought up. "Please be honest."

"We're always honest," Kurt reminded him. Blaine relaxed. "And no. You're doing nothing wrong. I get that we can do all the things we do now and still just be friends. I don't interpret that the wrong way anymore – Blaine, I promise you that. It's just…if your true emotions are really put on the table during song, I don't want to sing with you." Kurt took a deep breath and smiled easily. "There. Honesty. Feels good."

Blaine pushed himself back up to his feet and took a step back, holding his arms wide open. Kurt smiled and stood up as well, throwing himself into the hug. Blaine squeezed him tightly against his chest, resting his chin on top of Kurt's shoulder.

"We're going to work through this," Blaine promised. "Whatever it takes."

Blaine was pretty sure whatever was going on here was quite possibly the most fucked up situation ever. Normal people – especially teenagers – didn't work things out like this. Wasn't he supposed to be avoiding Kurt? Weren't they supposed to be fighting? Blaine knew Kurt and Finn were ridiculously close now, but they had gone through a lot of screaming, name calling, shower curtains and awkwardness to get there.

And then Blaine realized it. When Kurt said he was almost over him, he _really_ had meant it. Kurt was being honest and true to himself – he was holding out for someone who wanted him in ways Blaine just couldn't. Kurt didn't want to sing with Blaine because he _wanted to be over him._

Blaine hugged Kurt a little tighter. This should have been a relief, but Blaine couldn't shake the feeling of loss. Would a Kurt who was completely over him be the same as a Kurt who had once harbored feelings? So far, with Kurt stuck somewhere in between, he couldn't really tell the difference. Not yet.

"So," Kurt said once they pulled away from their hug. "It's Friday. What's on the agenda tonight? I think we've tried every restaurant in Westerville. And now that half of the Warblers have invited themselves to our movie nights in my dorm, watching any film that actually requires paying attention to the plot is pointless."

Blaine pushed aside his previous thoughts and forced himself back into the present. He and Kurt usually did go out on Friday nights, but things were getting a little repetitive. They could only spend so much money on dinners and movie tickets. Now that the Warblers were beginning to intrude on their time together (probably after realizing they weren't really dating), they couldn't just hang out alone anymore without three or four of their teammates mistaking it for a group activity and joining in.

They were silently pondering when something occurred to Blaine. One of his closest friends from his old high school, Kristy, had a habit of texting him invitations to parties she was attending every weekend. Blaine always made it clear he wasn't interested in getting wasted, but the invitations never stopped.

He pulled out his cell phone and flipped to the text Kristy had sent him that morning.

_Hey cutie. Party at Sigma Phi Nu's off campus house tonight around eleven. Guaranteed gay boys for you as always. I mean it's a fraternity right! Kidding, kind of. I really miss you!_

He had replied with _Sorry, no! Still underage by the way. Oh, that reminds me. I have a story for you. And I miss you too! _But now he was beginning to rethink his answer. He smiled slightly and looked back up at Kurt.

"Have I ever told you about my friend Kristy?"

Kurt shrugged. "Might have mentioned her before."

"She goes to Ohio State," Blaine continued, closing the message and pocketing his phone. "How would you like to go to a party? She invited us. Well, me. But considering she invites me to parties she's not even hosting, I don't think it's a big deal."

Kurt arched an eyebrow. "Like a drinking party?"

Blaine quickly backtracked. "We don't have to drink. We don't even have to go. I mean, I won't be drinking because I'll be driving back but – "

"Let's go," Kurt interrupted. Blaine's eyes widened in surprise.

"Wow, really?"

"Sure," Kurt shrugged, grinning. "I mean, I probably won't drink but, hey, it's something new to do."

Blaine grinned back, laughing softly. "All right! It's happening, then."

Kurt grabbed his hand, dragging him back towards the dorms. "Well, come on! There will be boys there. We have to look good."

Blaine laughed and tripped after him, ignoring the part of him that didn't like the idea of Kurt trying to impress someone else. He fostered that unexpected surge of negative energy into something that actually made sense.

"Kurt, I have one word for you: Jeremiah."

Kurt let go of his hand in order to fish his room keys out of his pocket as they approached his room.

"What about him?" Kurt asked, back facing Blaine as he unlocked and opened his door.

"We're underage. Messing around with college boys…in my limited experience, it's not a great idea."

Kurt snickered slightly and Blaine rolled his eyes, following him into his room and falling down onto Kurt's bed unceremoniously.

"I'm serious, though," Blaine warned, grabbing Kurt's pillow and hugging it against his chest. He buried his nose against the top part of it as Kurt threw open the doors to his wardrobe and began sorting through his outfits.

"Well, we also shouldn't be drinking," Kurt reminded him, turning slightly to glance at Blaine. "And – what are you doing to my pillow?"

"It smells good. Like a mix of Burberry and expensive shampoo."

"…You're weird. Anyways. It's not like I'm trying to _get _with anyone, Blaine. Sometimes it's nice to look and, I don't know, maybe be looked _at _for a change."

Blaine noticed the blush that reached the apples of Kurt's cheeks at the very idea and he immediately felt guilty. Now he had a better understanding as to why Kurt was eager to go to this party. Even if he didn't have a chance with anyone there, this was Kurt moving on.

* * *

"Blaine! You came!"

He laughed and opened his arms as Kristy ran across the living room to the front entrance, throwing herself onto Blaine. She was a tiny thing – a little shorter than him with a mess of brown curly hair and a sprinkling of freckles across a ski jump nose. She really hadn't changed at all since Blaine had last been with her.

She squeezed Blaine's waist and squealed, pulling free to grin up at him. Blaine's eyes traveled over to Kurt who was standing next to him, looking a little shocked and out of place. Blaine smiled and grabbed Kurt's wrist, pulling him over.

"She's really not drunk. This is just Kristy." Kristy slapped him playfully and Blaine laughed. "Kris, this is my friend Kurt."

"Oh!" Kristy exclaimed, beaming and sharing a handshake with him as Blaine looked around the tiny living room. Empty alcohol bottles were stacked in the windowsills, like they were some kind of decoration – Blaine didn't really understand. A couple was perched on a stained couch, cuddling and sipping beers. A few boys were scattered about, some of them holding onto girls and others texting or talking amongst each other. He heard the clattering of bottles and dishes in the kitchen.

"This party is off the hook," Blaine teased.

Kristy rolled her eyes. "That's what you get for showing up, hmm…" she checked her phone. _"Exactly_ at eleven. People don't start filtering in until after midnight, silly. I'm only here because I told Greg I'd help set up."

"Greg? Still?" Blaine asked, frowning in disproval. "Kristy, really. You could do better."

Kristy shrugged her shoulders. "Can't get rid of him. Half of my graduating class went to OSU, Blaine. It's a vicious cycle."

"Um," Kurt interrupted. They both fell silent. "While you guys catch up, should I go grab drinks?"

Kristy smiled and waved around the bottle of Mike's Hard she already had clasped in her hand.

Blaine frowned and shook his head, grabbing Kurt's wrist again. "No, hey, just stay here for awhile. Buddy system. We talked about this."

"Blaine. There are like five people in this room and I can see the kitchen from where I'm standing."

Kristy looked amused as Blaine sighed, letting go of Kurt's wrist and shrugging. "Just grab me a water or something, OK?"

Kurt nodded before rounding the corner into the kitchen and disappearing. Blaine stared after him worriedly, having a bit of an internal battle. But he wasn't Kurt's father, so – oh, God, what would Burt think if he ever found out about this?

Blaine was nervously chewing on his bottom lip when Kristy nudged him with her shoulder, laughing.

"Calm down, babe. He's pretty, but he's not going to get jumped on his way to the kitchen."

Blaine nodded slightly and sighed deeply, letting the tension leave his back and shoulders. He managed to smile down at Kristy. "I'm so happy to see you."

Kristy smiled back, her nose wrinkling. "So. You and Kurt. Are you guys…?" she mimed holding something in front of her and moved her hips suggestively.

Blaine's mouth fell open and he felt his entire face turn red immediately. He knocked away Kristy's hands. "Stop!"

Kristy laughed and raised her eyebrows. "Wait. I can't tell now. Are you? Or do you just _want _to?"

Blaine was flushing out of anger now. "Neither, Kristy. Two gay guys can just be friends."

Kristy tilted her head to the side, observing him. He looked away uncomfortably – he hated when she did this. On a good day, she could see right through him.

"OK," she said softly, taking his hand and leading him over to the couch. They sat down on the end opposite the other couple. "Tell me everything."

He spilled, telling her everything that had happened since the moment he first set eyes on Kurt to the moment they had stepped up to the front door of the Sigma Phi Nu house. Kristy listened patiently, butting in every now and then for clarification but otherwise staying silent. When he finally finished, she took a swig of her drink and set it down on the coffee table.

"OK. Let me get this straight. You're not _in_ love with him?"

"No," Blaine answered, watching as Kristy frowned back at him. "But I do love him. A lot. He knows it, too. He's just too important to me, and I know I'd screw it up if we were together in that way. It's not worth it."

"Blaine, part of the beauty of relationships is working through your problems. Not avoiding them."

"We're not avoiding our problems because we don't _have _any. Because we're just friends."

He could see that Kristy was clearly not buying it. "Uh huh. I don't know what _you _think you're saying, but what I'm hearing is 'I like him, but I'm not good enough for him.'"

"You're completely wrong," Blaine argued. "That's not what I'm saying at all. If I did like him in that way, wouldn't I have gone after him instead of Jeremiah?" He smiled smugly and leaned back into the couch, feeling confident he had bested Kristy. But she smiled back softly, and he immediately knew she had more input.

"Honey, you went after Jeremiah because he went for you first. You said he was the one who asked you out to coffee, right? Of course you fell for him. You were flattered that someone else took the initiative. From what I gathered, Kurt's interest in you wasn't obvious and you didn't even realize he felt that way until he told you. Subconsciously, maybe that bothered you. Maybe you were waiting for it. When it didn't come, you went for the first person who offered what you couldn't get from Kurt…and then he stopped returning your texts because he found out you were in high school."

Blaine shook his head, avoiding Kristy's eyes now. She was staring at him intently. "You're wrong."

"I know you think Kurt needs someone who wants him completely without any hesitation or qualms, but is that person going to love him like you do?"

Blaine opened his mouth to answer even though he hadn't decided what to say yet. All that came out was a muffled sigh as he let his face fall into his hands.

"I don't know," he groaned. "I really don't. But what I do know is that you've barely even met him, so trying to dive into the psyche of our friendship is a bit pretentious."

"I know you, though," Kristy reasoned. And it was really amazing how easily she could go from goofy to serious in a matter of minutes. "And I know how hard you are on yourself and I know how this whole self-loathing thing goes. But you have to accept that if someone falls in love with you, they fall in love with all your little imperfections, too. All they want is your loyalty and the willingness to work out anything that gets in your way. Because it won't be perfect. And this little idea that you have in your head that staying out of love with Kurt will keep your friendship alive forever…news flash, dear. Friendships end, too. And when he finds someone else and you become second in his life…" Kristy shrugged sadly. "You've lost him."

Blaine stared down at his lap, trying to keep it together. On one hand, he was upset with Kristy for trying to assess his situation from the outside. Granted, she was getting a little drunk and that usually made her talk longer and faster. On the other hand, a lot of what she was saying made sense.

He loved Kristy. He really did. She was two years older, and her impending graduation had been one of the reasons he had transferred to Dalton. She had been his support system. Kristy had been a popular girl, and her acceptance and friendship with Blaine had kept him relatively safe from bullies. But not always. She always knew what to say to calm him down or reassure him. Now, though, she was doing a terrible job of it. Because he was pretty sure he was about to have a nervous breakdown.

"I don't know what I want," he admitted as Kristy finished her bottle. "I just know I want someone to make him completely and totally and happy and I know right off the bat that person isn't me. I'm clearly a _mess."_

Kristy sunk back into the couch, resting a head on Blaine's shoulder and not even bothering to retort. He was pretty sure that meant she considered him a mess, too.

"If we're both miserable and alone by the time we're forty, can we just get married for image purposes?" Kristy asked.

"Deal," Blaine sighed. "What about Greg?"

"Eh." Kristy shrugged.

A sudden blast of music made Blaine nearly jump out of his skin and suddenly become aware of his surroundings. Someone had obviously plugged their iPod into the speaker systems and about twenty new people were crowded in the living room. His throat ran dry and he was already beginning to feel a little claustrophobic.

And that reminded him. Kurt was supposed to bring him water a good half hour ago.

"Hang on," Blaine snapped, jumping up from the couch and shoving through the new crowd of people. He passed the stereo and nearly lost his hearing, but he finally made it to the kitchen where he pushed through a completely different crowd of partygoers waiting in line for drinks. He didn't spot Kurt in that cluster, so he squeezed into the adjoining room that was most likely supposed to be a dining room but had been fashioned into more of a lounge.

All he could smell was smoke and booze and, if he hadn't already regretted his decision to attend the party, he was regretting it now. This was too intense – too much. He looked around the room, but there was still no sign of Kurt.

He whipped out his phone and shot out a text.

_Kurt, where the hell are you? Are you all right? I'm looking for you. -Blaine_

He clutched his phone in his hand, staring at the screen and waiting for a reply. When it didn't come, he spun around to search the room again. He inched over to the far side by the windows – and that's where he found Kurt.

Kurt was sitting on a loveseat with another boy, talking animatedly and waving his hands while grinning ear to ear. He had a half-empty bottle of Smirnoff in one hand. He took a quick sip and went on talking.

The other boy, actually, was more like a man. Even though he was sitting, Blaine could tell he was about six feet tall. He was wearing an Ohio State jersey and, honestly, Blaine would've mistaken him for a straight man if it hadn't been for the fact he was running his hand up and down Kurt's thigh. And Kurt wasn't doing anything to stop him.

Blaine observed from a distance as Kurt hiccupped and tried to place his bottle down on the table next to a collection that Blaine _really _hoped wasn't his. He missed the table and lost his balance, laughing lightly. The other guy reached out and steadied him, rubbing at Kurt's shoulder now.

And then Blaine noticed the look he was giving Kurt. It was sober, strong and blatant. Furious, Blaine began to consider how he should handle the intervention he was beginning to plan in his head. A part of him just wanted to go up and take the guy out, but the logical part of him knew that wasn't very realistic. He finally made the decision to just walk up and start talking, eventually drawing Kurt away from the situation. But before he could act, the man's hands flew to Kurt's waist and dug in as he pressed his lips against Kurt's and forced his tongue through.

Kurt squirmed slightly, trying to tug away but eagerly returning the kiss as well. The man's lips ventured down to his neck and Kurt pulled up, gasping for air and digging his fingers into the man's back.

"Hey!" Blaine shouted, marching up to the loveseat and peeling Kurt off of the man before shoving the latter back by his shoulders. He gave Blaine an enraged look and stood up, revealing his full height. At that point, Blaine was pretty sure he was going to die. But the man paused when Kurt staggered up to his feet and flung himself at Blaine, sobbing.

Kristy came running up right at that moment, stepping between Blaine and the taller man and placing both hands flat on Kurt's back, rubbing up and down and trying to soothe him. Kurt shrunk away from her and just held on tighter to Blaine.

"Please help me get him out of here," Blaine called over the noise, absently stroking Kurt's arm. The other man shot him a look before wandering off. "And tell Greg to get that creep out of here."

Kristy, considerably sobered up, helped lead Kurt back through the house and into Blaine's jeep.

* * *

Blaine held Kurt's hand the whole way back to Westerville, knowing it wasn't the safest way to drive but refusing to let go nonetheless. Kurt was still crying and sniffing quietly, mumbling nonsense about the frat boy from the party and how nice he had been at first.

"He didn't even ask if I wanted to kiss him," Kurt hiccupped for what was probably the fifth time, his words still slurred. Blaine just squeezed his hand and nodded, trying to keep himself composed. All that mattered was that Kurt was here and safe in his car. There was no need to freak out. There was no need to turn around, walk back into that house, and _murder _this guy. Blaine knew there was only one thing a completely sober man would want to do with someone completely smashed. And the thought of what might have happened literally made him sick to his stomach.

Kurt burst into tears again as they pulled into Dalton's lot. Blaine parked his car and unbuckled his own seat belt and then Kurt's before circling around to the passenger's side and opening the door. He cupped Kurt's cheek in one palm and wiped away a few stray tears with his thumb.

"Shh, it's OK," Blaine promised, continuing to circle his thumb in soft, soothing motions across Kurt's face. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and nodded, trying to collect himself as Blaine pulled him out of the car and kept an arm around his waist. He guided him across the lot and to the side entrance to their hall.

One of the privileges of being a resident adviser was access to the hall's main set of keys. Blaine had managed to bribe them away from Wes for the night just for the purpose of sneaking back into Dalton. Usually, checking in at the front desk wouldn't be a problem. But Blaine was pretty sure Kurt's current condition would raise quite a few questions.

He unlocked the side entrance and walked Kurt down the hallway slowly. Kurt was still stumbling around, his eyes unfocused and red. Blaine tightened his grip around Kurt's waist and tossed the set of keys under Wes's door as they passed.

Blaine dug Kurt's keys out of his pocket and unlocked his door, opening it. Kurt went in ahead of him, immediately throwing himself onto his bed and curling up into the fetal position.

"Kurt," Blaine called softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing his shoulder. "Come on. You have to get dressed for bed."

Kurt sat up slowly, wincing like it physically pained him to do so. Blaine crossed to his dresser and opened the bottom drawer, throwing Kurt a pair of blue satin pajama bottoms and a matching shirt. He stayed facing the wall as Kurt struggled into the clothes, throwing his old outfit into the hamper and missing. Blaine picked it up for him and sat back down on the bed next to Kurt.

"I shouldn't have taken you tonight. I'm sorry."

Kurt shook his head and fell back down onto the mattress, grabbing Blaine's hand. "Stay?" he asked sleepily.

"Of course," Blaine replied without a second thought. He gave Kurt's hand a quick squeeze before letting go to rummage through his drawers again. He grabbed a well-hidden pair of flannel pants and a t-shirt before disappearing into the small bathroom to change. He filled out Kurt's shirt, but the pants were down past his ankles and covering his feet. Just like his pillow, his clothes smelled of Burberry. But instead of shampoo, he could smell laundry detergent. He smiled privately at this before folding his own clothes and placing them on the shelf in Kurt's bathroom.

When he went back out into Kurt's room, Kurt was resting on his side and staring off at the opposite wall. New tears were sliding down his cheeks and dripping from his nose.

"Hey," Blaine whispered, approaching the bed and gently pushing Kurt back so he was pressed against the wall. Blaine squeezed into the small space next to Kurt's body, pulling the blankets up to their shoulders to cocoon them. "I'm here."

Kurt curled in against him, resting his forehead against Blaine's chest. He breathed in and then out. His still reeked of alcohol, and Blaine immediately regretted not asking him to brush his teeth. He ignored the stench and just pulled Kurt closer, smelling the expensive shampoo he had detected on his pillow earlier that night instead.

Kurt adjusted again, his lips brushing against the side of Blaine's neck. Blaine tightened his hold around Kurt and gasped, shocked at the sudden rush he felt in the pit of his stomach. He squirmed slightly and closed his eyes.

Any teenage boy would have had that reaction, he told himself. There was no need to read into that little jolt of pleasure that shot through his body. Kurt was attractive and, well, Blaine couldn't help the way his body reacted. He was also pretty sure he would've felt that way with any boy he was in bed with. Nevertheless, he pulled his hips back so they weren't flush against Kurt's. The other boy didn't seem to care or notice. Soon enough, he was breathing softly and evenly.

Blaine had every intention of heading out to his room once Kurt fell asleep, but he could feel himself already beginning to doze off. Besides, he had tested his luck too many times tonight and he just _knew _a hall monitor would find him this time. And if word got around that he was sneaking out of Kurt's room at night, wearing his pajamas and – well, Blaine _was _wearing his pajamas, so he supposed he had unconsciously decided to stay anyway.

He pressed his forehead against Kurt's and closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of a body next to him. He suddenly felt a little sad this was only a onetime thing and only acceptable in cases of severe intoxication. Blaine immediately started to wonder if Kurt was actually OK with Blaine being this close while Kurt was drunk and he was sober, but it wasn't like he was going to try anything.

Kurt, still sleeping, smiled a little. Blaine couldn't help but smile himself, burying his face into Kurt's pillow and drifting off.

* * *

Blaine woke up to Kurt groaning and stretching next to him. It was quickly followed by a yelp of pain.

"Uggh," Kurt growled. Blaine opened his eyes to see Kurt covering his face with his hands and angling himself away from the window. "The sun."

Blaine slipped out of the bed and grabbed a bottle of water from Kurt's mini-fridge, opening it for him and placing it on his desk.

"What do you remember?" he asked, taking a seat in Kurt's desk chair.

Kurt eventually sat up, blinking at Blaine against the sunlight. He slowly pulled his blankets up to his chest and rubbed at his temple. "I don't remember anything…was I roofied?"

Blaine laughed out loud at Kurt's bluntness and shook his head, leaning forward to pass him the bottle of water. "No. You were just really drunk."

"Never again," Kurt sighed, grabbing a bottle of Advil from his bed stand. "Should've learned my lesson the first time."

"First time?"

"Don't ask." Kurt shook his head and popped one of the pills, downing it with water.

Blaine watched as Kurt got out of bed, grabbing his toiletries and heading towards the adjoining bathroom. Blaine was a little curious as to why he wasn't asking for any details about last night, but maybe he simply didn't want to know.

"Kurt?" he called, following him and stopping once he reached the doorway to the bathroom. He leaned against the frame. "If you want to talk about last night, I can fill you in."

Kurt grinned at him and winked. "I'd rather not know how you ended up in my bed and wearing my pajamas, thank you very much."

"Mmm," Blaine hummed. "Maybe someone was crying and asking me to stay."

Kurt blushed and turned away, smearing some of his moisturizer on his face and running the tap water. "Wow. OK. Now I really don't want to know."

Blaine laughed gently. "How's the headache?"

"I feel like I'm going to faint and explode at the same time."

"Ouch," Blaine replied, raising his eyebrows. "In that case, an emergency coffee run is in order. Are you game?"

Kurt nodded eagerly, rinsing off the moisturizer. "Let me finish up here and we'll head out."

Blaine nodded and backed out, closing the bathroom door to give him some privacy. He crossed over to Kurt's bed and began straightening the sheets and adjusting the pillows. He caught a familiar smell and recognized his own cologne mingled in with the bedclothes. And, wow, the mixture of their scents was a little fascinating. He grabbed the pillow they had shared and pressed it against his nose before feeling like a creep and throwing it down again.

Best friends were _not _supposed to do that. Best friends were not supposed to do _any _of this.

* * *

**What's to come: Four: **Another boy works his way into Kurt's life just as Blaine begins to sort out his feelings. **Five: **Blaine is put on the backburner until something terrible happens. Kurt won't say why he suddenly needs him.


	3. Three

**Hey guys! It's been awhile. A lot of people have asked me about finishing this story, and I've decided to. It's going to be AU after Silly Love Songs, obviously. And I'm also abandoning the Five Times format and just posting as I write. It might be easier for me that way. I hope you enjoy! **

"You are _never _going to believe what I just did."

Blaine looked up from his pile of papers and textbooks to see Kurt hovering over him, grinning ear to ear

"Wow, you're quiet," he observed uneasily. "I didn't even hear you come in."

"You left your door wide open, silly," Kurt laughed, closing it with a gentle kick before settling down on the floor of Blaine's door room. He stared at his mess. "Is this in any specific order, or…?"

"I don't even _know," _Blaine moaned, falling onto his back dramatically and staring at the ceiling. "I'm going to fail school."

Kurt rolled his eyes and grabbed the stack of papers, neatening the pile before beginning to sort by class. Blaine turned his head to the side, watching with a small smile.

"You are a blessing in my life."

"Oh, I know," Kurt replied without looking up from the task at hand. Blaine followed his movement as he stood up and rummaged through his desk before pulling out a few empty folders and settling back down on the floor. He began to place each individual stack in a separate folder.

"Amazing," Blaine cooed, pulling himself back up into a seated position. "Truly, truly amazing."

Kurt blushed and waved a hand dismissively. "Didn't take you for someone who failed at organization, but whatever."

"I'm usually not this bad," Blaine said honestly, grabbing the stack of folders and placing them on top of his desk. He did the same with his textbooks. "But you had something to tell me."

"Yes!" Kurt exclaimed, clapping his hands together and grinning. "OK, so, I was in my one-on-one meeting with the council. And they were asking their usual checking-in questions, like 'how are you adjusting?' and 'what solo should we give Blaine Anderson next?' Well, after they knocked down all of my recommendations for song choices, they got around to asking if I had any suggestions for rehearsals. Guess what I convinced them to do? _Guess."_

Blaine shook his head, laughing. "I have no clue. Tell me."

"I told them how, back when I was in New Directions, we would have weekly assignments and some were designed to relay a certain emotion. And, well, even if it wasn't a part of the assignment we usually did it anyway. We had a lot of feelings. It was like music therapy."

Blaine felt his jaw drop. "You didn't. No."

"I did! Every single Warbler is going to sing a song that's near and dear to their heart, or expresses something they're going through, or just _whatever _they want to sing. The council agreed to set aside Thursday and some of Friday for performances. They're announcing it tomorrow, but I thought I'd give you a heads up. Maybe find some songs about failed organization?"

Blaine laughed and sat on the edge of his bed, patting the spot next to him to indicate Kurt should join him. Kurt plopped down next to him and beamed.

"You're amazing," Blaine said. "I'm pretty sure the Warblers have never sung about feelings."

"Once I'm on the council, we'll be doing things like this every week. It gives everyone a chance to sing. I think it'll really benefit us."

"And what if I'm on the council too? You'll have to deal with me and my strict anti-feelings policy," Blaine joked.

He saw something flash in Kurt's eyes as he glanced down at his lap. He had, of course, been teasing. But maybe those weren't the right words to use.

"Well, are council members even allowed solos? Would you really be willing to give that up?" Kurt joked back feebly.

Blaine's hand ghosted over Kurt's where it rested on the bed. "I hope I've made it very clear that I love you no matter what. Even if it's not in the way you want. And I just want the best for you. You have to understand that it has nothing to do with you and everything with me. Because I'd be a terrible boyfriend for you. There are a lot of things I need to fix about myself before I'm good enough for anyone. Especially you."

"I don't understand why you're so hard on yourself," Kurt said, staring down at their hands. "What makes you think anyone would want you if you're completely perfect? A lot of the time the most interesting and…lovable parts of a person are the most interesting."

Blaine shrugged and pulled his hand away. "You just don't get it. I left my school and, when I came here, I became a completely different person. Everything about me now just feels…forced."

Kurt stayed silent for a few seconds, giving Blaine time to comprehend that, yes, he was about to have this conversation with Kurt and disclose things he had never told anyone here at Dalton. He held his breath as he waited for Kurt's response, knowing there was no turning back now.

"Don't tell me I don't get it," Kurt said, his voice a little darker. "I left my school, too. I know what it's like too, Blaine."

"You're still the same person, though," Blaine pointed out. "You've become stronger, but you didn't change anything about you because you were scared."

"You're not the person you are with the Warblers when you're around me," Kurt pointed out, angling toward him. "Like right now. I've seen sides of you they've probably never seen before and you act like your entire character is just ruined when really you're still there, Blaine. I see it – "

"Can we not make this about you and me?" Blaine snapped suddenly. It must've been a little too harsh, because Kurt's face flushed and his eyes darkened. "This is what I mean, Kurt. You don't understand."

"Make me understand, then," Kurt said, folding his arms over his chest and looking away.

Blaine shrugged off his blazer, unknotted his tie, and began unbuttoning the white dress shirt underneath.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asked, doing a double take and frowning.

Blaine was down to his undershirt when he turned his right arm over to show a long, white scar on the inside of his arm. It started near his elbow and nearly reached his armpit. Blaine saw Kurt's jaw drop as he took it in.

"This happened when a couple guys pushed me into the trophy case at my old high school. I threw my arm out to try and catch myself but I broke through the glass and it cut me. It was…terrifying. I really wanted to stick it out and not be chased away after that, but Kristy was graduating and she was really the only person there who actually cared about me. I didn't really see the point. It didn't help that my dad didn't care if I transferred or stayed – like it wasn't a big deal or something. I had never felt so…uncared for in my life than I did in those few weeks before I decided I needed to leave that school. When I came here, I auditioned for the Warblers and they just really embraced me. I was at my weakest, but they didn't even notice and they never have. It was a blessing because I've never had to explain myself, but at the same time none of them even know. I just became this person they thought I was and I stuck with it. …And then I met you. And here I am telling you all of this."

"You had every right to leave your school, Blaine," Kurt said quietly, still staring at the scar with Blaine. "You weren't cowardly."

"I know. But that's not my point. My point is that I'm not the same person everyone here makes me out to be…including you."

"I'm not going to deny that I didn't start…feeling things for you before I thought you were anything less than perfect," Kurt said quietly, running his finger down the upraised scar and making Blaine shiver. "But it's not like I stopped after you so effortlessly proved you're a complete mess."

Kurt pulled his hand away and smiled slightly. "Like I said earlier, though. I'm getting over it. I know you don't want to be with me and I respect that, okay? You're my best friend, and we – "

Blaine was an idiot. A one hundred percent idiot. Before he even considered he might come off as a complete _tool, _he reached out and pulled Kurt into a kiss midsentence.

The kiss was completely chaste at first. His lips didn't really move. But when Kurt didn't pull away, he deepened it slightly and squeezed Kurt's shoulder. It took a moment before he realized that, even though Kurt wasn't pulling away, he wasn't exactly _returning _the kiss either. In fact, he was just sitting there rather awkwardly with his hands in his lap.

Blaine jerked away and pulled his hands back. Kurt wasn't looking at him. He looked completely lost and _miserable._

"Kurt – no. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"I know you didn't," Kurt whispered, his hands trembling slightly. "Which makes me wonder _why_ you would do that when you – " his voice broke and tears sprung from his eyes. When he continued, he was sniffling. "When you know how I feel about you."

He stood up from Blaine's bed and grabbed his bag. "It also makes me wonder why you would do that when you _know _what Karofsky did to me. And you _know _what that guy at the party did to me. Which also makes me wonder why you failed to tell me about that when I couldn't even remember for myself."

"Kurt, stop."

"So," Kurt snapped, shouldering his bag and wiping his eyes. "The only conclusion I can come to is that you did that in an attempt to show me what a complete and utter _asshole _you are, and to further aid me in getting over you. So, congratulations, Blaine. You did a fantastic job."

Blaine jumped up from the bed to grab Kurt's arm as he turned to leave, but Kurt turned around and pushed him away by shoving his chest. Blaine started to feel tears gather in his own eyes, but Kurt didn't stick around to see them fall. He swept out of the room, slamming the door behind him.


End file.
